Mafia Gazette Issue 13
The Mafia Gazette For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Issue 13 17 May 2012 FEDERAL INVASION - A NATION ANTICIPATES! Over the past few weeks, the US has been invaded by a veritable swarm of Federal Operatives, ranging from the lowly ‘Agent’ all the way up to ‘Chief’. The men and women, affectionately known as ‘G-Men’, appeared from nowhere over night on May 8th and have since been spotted hanging around the various local establishments across the nation. Currently there is very little known about these individuals, however the nation responded to their presence in a negative fashion. The first body, that of Agent Nicola Maldini lay floating in the Hudson River within minutes of the group’s arrival and following her death, quite literally hundreds of Federal Operatives have met their end at the hands of numerous members of each city’s organised crime syndicate. The Federal deaths came at a price however, all of a sudden the bodies of prominent gangsters began to surface, proving that the G-Men weren’t going out with a fight, and it wasn’t long before Made Men began to fall in their attempts to kill off the Federal Groups. As the bodies on both sides began to rack up, so did the concern of active ramifications. The Gazette has been fortunate enough to gain a brief interview with Chicago Chief Ted Taridelli who went on record with the following statement: “The increased activity within the Federal Agency and high-vis approach is a joint venture between the Agency and the White House, we are here for a reason and that reason will become apparent in due course. However I would like to speak directly with those members of the community that attack and persecute us; We are not here to make up the numbers or act as target practice. We know who you are, we know what you’ve done, and we will act accordingly, so my advice would be to sleep light.” Rumours are already spreading about potential retaliation amongst the underground community, with reports allegedly from low-level G-Men pinpointing high level targets including (Detroit Family Head) Meyer-Lansky, (Mass Murderer) Archie_Knuckles and (Miami Kingpin) Dinty_Colbeck. Whether action will involved federal prosecution, forceful attacks, freezing and confiscation of all assets or even more extreme action remains to be seen... The nation waits in anticipation as to what will happen next, and the Gazette will be first to outline any developments as and when they happen. HORSES FOR COURSES! By Cubert Farnsworth Recent figures across America show an increasing trend of poverty, high unemployment and high mortality rates. Discontent was growing and the public purse was steadily dwindling with one leading economist Frank McErlane being quoted as saying the Federal bank reserve was running dry. It is a time of Great Depression across the country and not even the promise of a New Deal from the new President of the United States can ease the growing tension emanating from the masses. There was a growing feeling that the administration cannot or in some cases will not help us out of this doom and gloom period. Crime rates were on the up as more and more people were turning to the life of Organised Crime with large cities including Chicago, New York and Los Angeles all boasting flourishing criminal empires. Key government officials have linked the rise of crime with the sudden ability to launder vast amounts of cash down at the racecourses with insider knowledge and key understanding of the current horse rankings being blamed, Federal agents attempted to infiltrate several influential stable owners without success, and with the Government struggling to acquire their cut of the horse winnings a new policy was introduced. Chief Ted Taridelli from Dallas is behind the new initiative to introduce horse trainers to upset the running order of the races. He was quoted as saying: “The growth of gambling during a recession was is exactly unheard of, but the numbers we are talking here could start a war. We had to act. We want our country to stabilise and President Roosevelt knows the way forward. The New Deal is the answer, not Organised crime.” The policy was simple; each Stable would now need a certificate of competition to prove they are eligible to enter their horses in races. Trainers would be available for a fee ranging from $10,000 to $5,000,000 for a specialized horse whisperer with the Government adding a wealth tax of 50% allowing them to recoup the money spent on horses. The Government were promoting this as an incentive to increase competition within the horses and make races more unpredictable as strong runners were forced to rest and others could use their new found knowledge to place. Prominent Miami head Dinty Colbeck was said to have placed a bounty of $10,000,000 on the head of Ted to gain vengeance for the new legislation. It remains to be seen how this will affect citizens and members of the underworld alike, but early evidence suggests that finances are getting squeezed with Chicago businessman Murphy already being approached by several known affiliates of The Usual Suspects gang operating from Detroit seeking loans loan to cover their outgoings. This move could seriously backfire on the Administration and lead to a rise of Bank Jobs and murder to cover debts as Mafiosa and citizen a like struggle to adapt to the new conditions. This is just the latest in a series of on-going actions to curb the spread of the Mafia in America. EXCLUSIVE UPDATE: At approximately 2 58 PM, Las Vegas Capo Sam Rothstein attempted to rob the federal bank in Las Vegas and lost his life. In a renewed bid to calm the simmering tensions the administration increased the maximum bet hold on any single horse in a race to $1,000,000. It remains to be seen how successful this will be with many leading economist sceptical about this move. SLEEPY GODFATHERS! Various notable members of the organized crime network across the US are growing increasingly frustrated at the lack of personal development, principally blamed on an absence of activity from the Godfathers of each city leading to mobsters not receiving their due promotions. One Caporegime who wishes to remain nameless went on record last night saying: “It’s a disgrace! These fat layabout old-timers sit there and count their money while we break our backs paying for their veal! What we need is a Union...” Rumours are floating that the lack of general promotion could be a systematic result of poor behavior across the nation, stemming from the recent assaults on Federal Operatives, other suggestions include a concern that the younger generation are rising too fast and threatening the Godfather’s positions. GAZETTE LOCAL - WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR CITY... Atlanta Ruling Body – Not known Open City Place to be – Treacle’s Pit Stop owned by Treacle. Chicago Ruling Body - The Chicago Crime Syndicate Visitors Welcome, please note that any attacks will be met with extreme prejudice. Please behave yourself. Place to be – Hotel Islington owned by Angel-Islington. Dallas Ruling Body – The Dallas Crime Syndicate All Visitors Welcome. Place to be – Pink’s Kitchen owned by PinkFreud. Denver Ruling Body – Not known Open City Place to be – No currently owned businesses. Detroit Ruling Body – The Usual Suspects All Visitors Welcome. Place to be – Murphy’s Hair owned by Murphy. Las Vegas Ruling Body – Not Known Open CIty Place to be – Rothsteins owned by Sam_Rothstein Los Angeles Ruling Body: Adobo Republic All Visitors Welcome Place to be – Brimestones owned by PinkFreud. Miami Ruling Body – Miami Obstinacy Visits reserved for All Family Members and Citizens only, no thugs or hoodlums. Place to be – The Wonky Gun owned by DirkStruan. New York Ruling Body – The New York SaintS, Visits reserved for All Family Members only, no thugs or hoodlums. Citizens enter at their own risk. Place to be – Cole’s Corner owned by Richard_Hawley. CLASSIFIED AVDERTISEMENTS The Gazette is hiring! - Please get in contact if you are interested in writing for the Gazette, we can’t pay much but we can offer assistance and it gives you the opportunity to better the community with your reporting and opinions. Straun Couture – Stop by Dirk Struan’s Gallery in New York for a tailor made portrait. Struan is curator of the latest fashion trends including the ‘Silhouette Movement’ but also enjoys painting classic and retro designs. Price for a portrait is a uniform $1,000,000. If you wish to advertise in the Gazette, please contact DirkStruan.